Friday, June 26, 2009
Can I Live?
My husband called me at work yesterday and asked if i'd like to go to the movies. It was a nice day and I didn't really want to go home after work, so I told him yes. A little while after I spoke to him my best friend, who I haven't seen in about 18 months, called and asked if I wanted to go out for a drink. I should have gone with her but I decided to go to the movies with my husband. We did, however, decide to meet up one day next week. She's the one person I use to confide in. We drifted apart because her job is very demanding and she moved quite a distance away.
Anyway, my husband picked me up from work and we went to see The Taking of Pelham 123. The seat in the theater had the arm rests that moved up and down. I moved kind of far away from him because I know that he doesn't like to put it down. We usually sit close to one another. The movies is our thing. We always snuggle and eat popcorn when we go.
He grabbed my hand and I cringed. I'm not sure if he noticed. He took my hand and rubbed it on his crotch and laughed, which normally would not have bothered me. We play around like that all the time. I was more bothered when I realized that he is trying to act like everything is okay. I did not move or react and my grip on his hand was very loose. My body language was obvious, but he did not let my hand go.
I'm still not sure what to believe or do. My husband is professing his innocence, my sister is convinced he did something wrong, his cousin is telling me she was there and he didn't do anything out of the ordinary, my head says leave but my heart says stay. The situation is driving me crazy and I really wish I didn't have to deal with it.
My nephew graduated from junior high school the other day and he wants us all to go out to dinner this evening. My husband wants to go but my sister does not want him there. Personally, I think she's being selfish. It's not about her. My nephew loves my husband and will be looking for him. What am I suppose to say when he asks me why his uncle didn't come?
This whole thing is stressing me out so much that I don't know what to do. I just want to live my life without all the drama. I deserve that. I'm thinking about hopping on a bus and going somewhere for the weekend. I need time to myself. I'm tired of being pulled in so many directions. Everyone thinks i'm suppose to listen to them or do what they think I should do. This is my life.
I'm not sure what to believe. My husband has lied in the past, but my sister is not above exaggerating the story. I do know that I am exhausted. It's summertime and I should be having fun. I'm tired. I just want to live...