Friday, June 26, 2009

Can I Live?


My husband called me at work yesterday and asked if i'd like to go to the movies. It was a nice day and I didn't really want to go home after work, so I told him yes. A little while after I spoke to him my best friend, who I haven't seen in about 18 months, called and asked if I wanted to go out for a drink. I should have gone with her but I decided to go to the movies with my husband. We did, however, decide to meet up one day next week. She's the one person I use to confide in. We drifted apart because her job is very demanding and she moved quite a distance away.

Anyway, my husband picked me up from work and we went to see The Taking of Pelham 123. The seat in the theater had the arm rests that moved up and down. I moved kind of far away from him because I know that he doesn't like to put it down. We usually sit close to one another. The movies is our thing. We always snuggle and eat popcorn when we go.

He grabbed my hand and I cringed. I'm not sure if he noticed. He took my hand and rubbed it on his crotch and laughed, which normally would not have bothered me. We play around like that all the time. I was more bothered when I realized that he is trying to act like everything is okay. I did not move or react and my grip on his hand was very loose. My body language was obvious, but he did not let my hand go.

I'm still not sure what to believe or do. My husband is professing his innocence, my sister is convinced he did something wrong, his cousin is telling me she was there and he didn't do anything out of the ordinary, my head says leave but my heart says stay. The situation is driving me crazy and I really wish I didn't have to deal with it.

My nephew graduated from junior high school the other day and he wants us all to go out to dinner this evening. My husband wants to go but my sister does not want him there. Personally, I think she's being selfish. It's not about her. My nephew loves my husband and will be looking for him. What am I suppose to say when he asks me why his uncle didn't come?

This whole thing is stressing me out so much that I don't know what to do. I just want to live my life without all the drama. I deserve that. I'm thinking about hopping on a bus and going somewhere for the weekend. I need time to myself. I'm tired of being pulled in so many directions. Everyone thinks i'm suppose to listen to them or do what they think I should do. This is my life.

I'm not sure what to believe. My husband has lied in the past, but my sister is not above exaggerating the story. I do know that I am exhausted. It's summertime and I should be having fun. I'm tired. I just want to live...

7 comments:

Tigeress said...

the thing is- even if u decide to believe ur sister- that ur husband was up to no good- what does she expect you to do? Become a divorced single mom? To me it looks as if your husband is making every effort to make things right. so if a part u still loves him- then i think u shld try and move past this. It'll take time- so don't expect it to be an immediate thing.

As for her not wanting him to be there- she has to realize that she can't get her son involved. He might have been an unfaithful husband to you but does not mean he's a bad uncle. Then again she's the one throwing the party so..........maybe he can do something with your nephew another day?

Kingsmomma said...

I think you two need to talk a little more. You need to forget what anyone around you has to say about the situation. What DO YOU think happened? In your heart. You know your husband and yes he may have cheated but can you honestly look at your husband and say yes he is the type of man that would attempt to facilitate a relationship with another woman when you're in a close vicinity? When his and your family is around?


Yuor sister has already made up her mind and so any information you get from her is sure to be told in such a way that warrants your immediate dismissal of your husband and your marriage.

Take yuor time and think what you want. You seem to genuinely believe your husband. I'd say since you can not be certain, don't throw your marriage away on a maybe. Continue therapy. Continue building the trust and see if it leads somewhere.

as for the nephew,
You will need to talk with your sister. While i understand she is the hostess, the party is in the honor of your nephew and as your husband he is still family and your nephew views him as such. You and your husband aren't divorcd so your sister is going to have to just deal with the situation. IF she doen't like your husband, she can act mature and civil for one night so that her son can enjoy his evening.
Much luck and strength to you

thegayte-keeper said...

DEEP BREATHES SO THAT YOU CAN LITTLE BY LITTLE BLOCK EVERYONE'S VOICES SO YOU CAN HEAR YOUR OWN...A TRIP SOMEWHERE BY YOURSELF SOUNDS GOOD TO ME...

Scorned Woman said...

I have officially decided to stop overthinking the situation. I'm just going to live and see where life takes me.

My husband went to the dinner and we had a wonderful time.

Tigeress - My husband is making a huge effort. I'm just trying to decide if it's too late.

Kingsmomma - When I take a step back I do not think my husband would do something like that. I really think I jumped to conclusions in the beginning because I was angry. I definitely don't want to end my marriage on a maybe. Even after all of the water under the bridge, I still love my husband very much.

Gayte - I have definitely decided to stop worrying about what other people think or say and do me. That's the only way i'm going to make the right decision for myself.

Enkay said...

Yes dear, you can live. One day at a time. In the end, it's really your decision to make what you allow get to you.

Listen to your heart.

Lil Honey B said...

Hugs and peace being sent your way. I hope all is well.

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