So, I went to work the morning after reading my daughter's journal. I was at my desk staring off into space. I sent my daughter a text last night and she answered it this morning. There was a situation I had with some other members of my family and she was kind of in the middle. I texted her to tell her that I had spoken to one of the family members I had the problem with. I retrieved into my own head for a while after the situation and was very upset with my daughter. We never really talked about it. I sent her a text to let her know things were resolved with the family member and this is what ended up happening:
Me - I spoke to ___________. We talked about what happened and cleared the air. Everything is fine.
Daughter - It's nice that you talked to her.
Me - I know. It was kind of petty. I'm glad we're over it.
Daughter - We never talked about what happened.
Me - ? We? Are you still upset about what happened?
Daughter - Yes
Me - I didn't know that. Why didn't you say something?
Daughter - You said we would talk about it.
Me - I did? (I have absolutely no recollection of telling her we would talk)I'm sorry. Why didn't you remind me?
Daughter - I didn't feel like initiating the conversation. (In her journal she said she was not going to say anything if I didn't)
Me - Do you feel like you can't talk to me?
Daughter - I'm just use to dealing with things on my own.
Me - I really did not know you were still upset. I'm very sorry about that. I love you very much and don't want to hurt your feelings.
Daughter - I love you too.
Me - I feel a huge distance between us and I don't know what it's about.
Daughter - I feel like there were a lot of struggles in our family and I had to grow up fast.
Me - Really? Do you feel like I wasn't there for you?
Daughter - Sometimes
Me - I think we should sit down and have an honest conversation. I want you to get the things you've been carrying around off your chest. What time are you leaving tomorrow. (she's going away for the week)
Daughter - 11:30
Me - Do you want to talk before you leave?
Daughter - I don't really want to have this conversation at all. I would rather just move forward.
Me - And carry around bad feelings? That's not good. Plus how do I move forward if I don't know what i'm leaving behind? I don't want you to be in your forties like me and still have mommy issues.
Daughter - At some point i'll need to talk about it. I just don't want to talk about it now. Just know that I love and appreciate you.
Me - Okay, I love you. I'm here whenever you're ready to talk.
That was it. I don't know what's going to happen next, but i'm going to try my best to get to the bottom of her feelings. I love my daughter very much and what she seems to be going through really worries me. I know how I feel about my mother and I definitely don't want her to feel the same way.
9 comments:
it is obvious that when your counselor gets back that you need to talk to her about getting your family on track...even though things are good with you and your husband, the family has to heal as a unit...
Gayte - Most definitely. I was thinking the same thing. She will be back next month and she has no idea what's waiting for her. LOL I haven't spoken to my husband about this. We'll be alone this week so I know i'll figure out a way to approach the whole thing.
A good start might I say...
Wish you all the best
I know it's good to get things out on the table. I'm just not sure telling your daughter that you read her journal will bring her closer to you. I would probably use the information that I got to change my behavior with my daughter and family. Just a thought.
I don't have a close relationship with my parents and even to this day I wish they would just talk to me instead of interviewing me. I know they have faults and I'm sure they see mine but no one ever discusses it.
wow...welcome to family hood....if it aint one thing its another...lol
take care girl
Dabizniz - I agree. Hopefully she will begin to feel better about things.
D-Place - I'm definitely not going to tell her I read the journal. I will take my cues from her from now on and work to make things better.
Oyin - Girl, who you telling? Welcome back. Hope you had a great trip.
me and you are just alike, i would rather talk a subject to death then to let any feelings stay up in the air.i cant stand when people dont wanna go any deeper.your daughter said you andf her didnt get to talk about it but when you pressed her she said she would rather leave it alone. stuff like that bothers me but i gotta learn everyone is not like me
Nodays - You hit the nail on the head. I need to make sure things are all hashed out before I move on. It bothered me that she didn't want to talk, but I have to go at her pace even if I don't agree.
It seems like you made some headway with your daughter. I admit that I'm like her and tend to keep stuff inside. I know it's not good, but I keep doing it...
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