Tuesday, April 14, 2009
To the Future
I'm glad my kids are gone this week. It's been nice spending time with my husband and i've had time to think about the situation with my daughter. I feel like i'll be ready to face the future of our relationship when she returns. After the emotional roller coaster I was on after I read her journal, I needed time to get it together.
I feel bad about reading her private thoughts but at the same time I feel like it was suppose to happen. She definitely needed to say some things to me. I know she didn't say all that she could have, but when we talked I could see that it made her feel better. It's not easy carrying all of that animosity and hurt around. Trust me I know. I am in my mid forties and have so many parental issues that it's crazy.
The thing that hurts most about the things I read is that I thought I did a pretty good job of not repeating my mother's mistakes. When I realized I repeated them, it almost destroyed me. I thank God for marriage counseling. I learned how to deal with things that make me unhappy. Instead of closing myself up like I once did, I have learned to try and get to the cause of the problem and find solutions.
I can't worry about the past. Mistakes have been made and feelings have been hurt and it's time for correction. Apologies are in order and i've talked to my husband about it. He has to learn to stop letting his embarrassment about his actions turn into anger. I had to make him understand that excuses and pointing fingers was not going to get it this time. His child, and possibly children, is hurting because of his actions and he needs to stop skirting around the issues and face them. I didn't tell him about the journal, I only told him that our child is carrying a whole lot of the past on her shoulders.
We're going to start doing more things as a family. I'm going to make sure of that. I have to admit that most of my energy has been focused of working through my marital issues. We're doing a lot better. It's time for us to band together and make sure that our children are okay. I'm feeling positive. Things are going to be okay.