Friday, April 10, 2009
That's What I Get For Looking Part 2 - Text Messages
So, I went to work the morning after reading my daughter's journal. I was at my desk staring off into space. I sent my daughter a text last night and she answered it this morning. There was a situation I had with some other members of my family and she was kind of in the middle. I texted her to tell her that I had spoken to one of the family members I had the problem with. I retrieved into my own head for a while after the situation and was very upset with my daughter. We never really talked about it. I sent her a text to let her know things were resolved with the family member and this is what ended up happening:
Me - I spoke to ___________. We talked about what happened and cleared the air. Everything is fine.
Daughter - It's nice that you talked to her.
Me - I know. It was kind of petty. I'm glad we're over it.
Daughter - We never talked about what happened.
Me - ? We? Are you still upset about what happened?
Daughter - Yes
Me - I didn't know that. Why didn't you say something?
Daughter - You said we would talk about it.
Me - I did? (I have absolutely no recollection of telling her we would talk)I'm sorry. Why didn't you remind me?
Daughter - I didn't feel like initiating the conversation. (In her journal she said she was not going to say anything if I didn't)
Me - Do you feel like you can't talk to me?
Daughter - I'm just use to dealing with things on my own.
Me - I really did not know you were still upset. I'm very sorry about that. I love you very much and don't want to hurt your feelings.
Daughter - I love you too.
Me - I feel a huge distance between us and I don't know what it's about.
Daughter - I feel like there were a lot of struggles in our family and I had to grow up fast.
Me - Really? Do you feel like I wasn't there for you?
Daughter - Sometimes
Me - I think we should sit down and have an honest conversation. I want you to get the things you've been carrying around off your chest. What time are you leaving tomorrow. (she's going away for the week)
Daughter - 11:30
Me - Do you want to talk before you leave?
Daughter - I don't really want to have this conversation at all. I would rather just move forward.
Me - And carry around bad feelings? That's not good. Plus how do I move forward if I don't know what i'm leaving behind? I don't want you to be in your forties like me and still have mommy issues.
Daughter - At some point i'll need to talk about it. I just don't want to talk about it now. Just know that I love and appreciate you.
Me - Okay, I love you. I'm here whenever you're ready to talk.
That was it. I don't know what's going to happen next, but i'm going to try my best to get to the bottom of her feelings. I love my daughter very much and what she seems to be going through really worries me. I know how I feel about my mother and I definitely don't want her to feel the same way.