Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Just the Two of Us
I can't remember the last time this happened, but my husband and I are going to be alone for a whole week! Between spring break and vacation with friends, all our kids will be out of the house next week. It's unbelievable! I can barely contain my excitement.
Our two youngest, who are 12 and 13, will be spending the week with their Godparents. Our 19 year old is going to Florida with his best friend's family, and I think our eldest decided to find something to do so that we could be alone. She is constantly commenting on how much happier we are. She didn't decide to go anywhere until she found out her brother was going to Florida. She's going to spend time with her sorority sisters in Virginia.
Our daughter has been there since the beginning of our relationship. She has seen every up and down. I'm pretty sure she knows her father has done a lot of things that he should not have done. She has never seemed to judge, but I always wonder how she really feels. Her true opinion of me has been a constant ? for me. She has always thanked me for always being there but I guess the shame I feel won't allow me to believe that she doesn't see me as a fool.
I have no idea what we are going to do while our kids are away. We'll probably play it by ear. I do know what we will be doing. It's very hard to get good and passionate when you have a house full of people. We might start ripping each other's clothes off as soon as the last one leaves.
I'm looking forward to the freedom. I've been a mother and a wife for a long time. It isn't often that my husband and I get to just be us. We enjoy each other's company very much and I know that whatever we do will be good. There was a time when I would not have looked forward to my children being away because I felt like they were all I had. Their father would not have been as interested in spending time with me as he is now. He would have spent a few days with me, but he also would have spent a lot without me.
Those days are over for a few reasons. They're over because he has changed a lot and being out is not as important. I can tell that he genuinely enjoys spending family time. It's all in his eyes when he talks to us. We can all see and feel the difference and it's wonderful. No longer is he the man from the O'Jays song. You know the one that says, "Your body's here with me, but your mind is on the other side of town." That was him.
I can also say, without a doubt, that those days are over because i'm not the same person I was. I will not stand for the crap I let slide by because I didn't love myself enough to ask for more. I have made my standards known and told him what will cause me to check out of the relationship and walk right out the door and he knows that I am serious. I'm not looking back. As soon as the future gets a little murky I will see my way through the fog and make a life for myself. I mean that.
I'm counting down to the day when the last child walks out the door. I will wish them all well and hope they have fun. I know I will. It's been a long time since we had hot, steamy, sweaty, bumping, grinding, licking, sucking breathless, passionate.....excuse me I got kind of excited...sex and i'm ready to go there the entire week.