Tuesday, March 31, 2009


My husband really got under my skin yesterday.

All of our closet doors were being replaced yesterday. My husband couldn't get the day off, so I stayed home. I needed the time to myself anyway. He said nothing had to be taken out of the closets because they didn't have to go inside. So, of course, the guy gets to my place and informs me that I have to remove everything from the closets! My apartment is huge. He measured all the closets and said he'd be back in a few hours. I spent my whole "me" day working my ass off taking everyone's stuff out of their closets. My husband thought it was hilarious when he called to see how it was going.

I didn't really get pissed off until he started giving me instructions. Don't put this here and don't put that there. I told him I didn't have time to be supervised and hung up on his ass. I was fuming. How the hell did he have the nerve to be giving me instructions when he wasn't there?

One source of pissivity down. On to the next.

We have a storage unit that I have been paying for. He pays most of the bills. Our oldest child has a really good job and pays the cable and phone bill. My husband pays the rent, which is no small sum. We have two timeshares that we split the cost for and he pays everything else. Most of my money goes to my personal bills. If credit cards didn't exist, i'd have a pocket full of dough.

Anyway, he goes to a different storage place with his friend and discovers that we can get a larger size unit for the same price we're paying now. After visiting the place with his friend he decides he's going to switch. I asked about the payment and he told me not to worry about it. I didn't really have that much money this week. I have made a vow not to use my credit cards and I never touch my savings account. I had enough money to make it to pay day.

When hubby visited with his friend, he was told the first three months would be discounted. I was off yesterday so we decided to go and set things up when he got off. We get there and after everything is set up the clerk give hubby a total that is more than the monthly payment, even with the discount. By the time they finished adding on fees left and right the total had skyrocketed. He pulls out his debit card and pays, and we leave.

Before we could even get in the car he asks me when he's going to get his money back. I was totally confused. I know damned well he told me he was going to pay for the first month. I guess that changed when he heard how much it was going to cost. We get in the car and he proceeds to complain about how much he spent. He was upset and me not being upset only made him more upset. I refused to get into this argument. I thought back to some of the things our marriage counselor told us. I tried to resolve things without yelling, but he was on a different page.

I'm really proud of myself. I did not get into a yelling match like I would have some time ago. I let him say what he had to say and reminded him that he told me he was going to pay the first month. I told him I would give him the money back when I got paid if that was what he wanted because I didn't want to dwell. I kept my cool the entire time, even though I was PISSED! I budget my money very well and I really didn't want to pay for something I was told I didn't have to, but I would have done it. It's not like I couldn't afford it.

As we drove along I saw him calming down. Eventually his face softened and the tense rise of his shoulders fell. He apologized before we got home. I accepted his apology, even though I wanted to scratch his eyes out. If he would learn to listen, and not yell, before speaking things would be so much easier. His temper is one of the things I cannot stand. He was getting it under control while we were seeing our marriage counselor, and even considering going to anger management, which is a big step for him.

I see him slipping back into some of the behaviors that were a problem before marriage counseling. We did a lot of good work. I need to remind him of that. I refuse to go backwards. It looks like it's time for a talk.


Just Jasmine said...

I admire this post.

Lil Honey B said...

Ah, relationships are not easy. Your points are totally valid. I'm sure ya'll can work this out.

Dabizniz said...

finance is an issues many couple have to deal with as it brings a lot of disagreements. We had to see a financial planner to do our finances. I was useless at saving or budgeting but now it's hit bad since I lost my contract. We make do with much less. It's hard but it makes us better at budgeting. We don't do "your money", "my money" any more though I will leave all the planning to her since what matters most is her happiness and she's much better at it.

I am sure it just a temporary squabble. He did apologies but you might want to address any financial concerns with your counsellor or financial & relationship expert

thegayte-keeper said...

yep get to talking because for most of us old habits die hard...

Bond Girl said...

Good you kept your cool. Was thins one of those choose your battles things?

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