Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I remember the first time I laid eyes on my husband. We were both very young. He was with some friends and I was alone. As I walked by, he touched my arm and said hello. I have always been one who had issues with personal space. I don't like people I don't know touching or standing too close to me. For some reason, I wasn't bothered by his touch. I looked at him and smiled. I remember thinking how beautiful his eyes were. We looked at each other for a moment and I kept walking.
The next thing I knew, I felt his touch on my arm again. I turned and looked into those beautiful eyes and couldn't help but smile again. He asked me my name and we started to talk. I liked him immediately and felt so comfortable. I was suppose to go home but I spent time with a cute boy instead. I didn't even care that I was going to get my ass handed to me when I got home. There was something about him.
We've been together since that day. There were times in the past when I couldn't believe he was the same person. How could the cute boy with the pretty eyes do some of the things he was doing? Now, I look into those eyes and see that boy. He touches my arm and those old feelings come back. It makes me smile just like I did the day we met and it feels great.
After marriage counseling, and a lot of thought. I realized that a big reason I have held on is the memory of the boy I met almost 30 years ago. There is something about him that makes it hard for me to let go. His memory has endured all the cheating, lies, and hurt feelings. Even during the rough times, I saw him in a set of the most beautiful eyes in the world. I knew he was still there and I spent years wishing he would come back to me. No matter how hard I tried, I could not fall out of love with him.
He called me at work this morning and told me I was his soul mate. It made me feel like that teenage girl who was mesmerized by a boy's touch. We've gone through a lot but, through it all, I knew he loved me. I knew I had his heart. It just feels much better now because it's not fragmented, it's the whole thing. I don't spend as much time wondering what if or how could he anymore. Things are still complicated and incomplete, but they're mending. I'm so busy looking to the future that I don't have as much time to worry about the past.