"Our trustworthiness begins with our ability and willingness to trust ourselves even when we don't feel up to it."-Ruby Fleurcius
This quote definitely applies to what's going on in my life right now. Over the years I have lost most of the trust I had for my husband. Then again, I can't really say that. I trust that he will provide for our family. I trust that he would give his life for each one of us and protect us at all cost. I trust that he will do all that he can to make sure we're okay. I, however, cannot bring myself to trust that he will never cheat again.
We have made a lot of progress since we've been going to counseling. I have let go of some of the resentment i've been feeling and felt my heart softening in ways I thought it never could. The problem I have is not wanting to let my guard down and trust that he will keep his word and be faithful. I don't like being made a fool of and he is on his last leg. If I take him at face value, will he betray me again? Like Luther Vandross said, "I just don't want to be a fool ever again."
Once I lose faith in a person, I generally leave them alone. I love my husband so much, and our bond is so strong, that I can't. There's something that's keeping me here. I just don't know if I can stay if the trust never returns. Rebuilding is a lot of work. I'm just hoping that it's not too late and I won't question the things he says forever.
5 comments:
Great quote. Ultimately its up to you to decide if you really want to go down that road & face that negative aspect. There is always a chance for a cheater to cheat again.
Just have your "game plan" ready if he does cheat again. Just don’t go looking for things, let things expose themselves on their own.
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I understand how u feel. Once I lose trust in someone its hard for me to trust them again as well once they have done me wrong. Its definitely a process you have go through, and you will get there oneday. Especially if your willing to try, and @ least it looks that way to me from reading this. So your heart is in the right place, and this is just the beggining of you trying. Because ur still there kicking it. So keep your head up, and things shall get better. Take care. ;)
I agree with Deonte.......just let go and let God.....and try to trust just once more. Sometimes accusing the innocent will make them do just that...
Take care girl, things will get better!!
Thanks for the comments. I always appreciate hearing the viewpoints of others. I have definitely been trying really hard to let go and I do see a big change in my husband. It's just going to take a while to undo years of mistrust.
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