Thursday, November 13, 2008

Resentment


There have been a lot of songs about cheating. The one that really hit the nail on the head for me is "Resentment," by Beyonce. I'm not sure if it's a remake or an original, knowing Beyonce, but I do know that the I felt like someone was in my brain the moment I heard it. I found myself wondering if Jay had done something wrong. All the things I have been feeling are in the words of this song. I was amazed! These are the lyrics:


I wish I could believe you
Then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me, really don’t apply
To the way I feel inside
Loving you was easy
Once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you, have multiplied
And it’s all because you lied

[chorus:]
I only give you hard time
‘Cause I can’t go on and pretend like
I haven’t tried to forget this
But I’m much too full of resentment

Just can’t seem to get over
The way you hurt me
Don’t know how you gave another
Who didn’t mean a thing
The very thing you gave to me
I thought I could forgive you
And I know you’ve change
As much as I wanna trust you
I know it aint the same
And it’s all it’s all because you lied

[chorus:]
I only give you hard time
‘Cause I can’t go on and pretend like
I haven’t tried to forget this
But I’m much too full of resentment
I may never understand why
I’m doing the best that I can and I
I tried and I tried to forget this
But I’m much too full of resentment

(You lied)
I’ll always remember feelin’
(You lied)
Like I was no good
(You lied)
Like I couldn’t do it for you
(You lied)
like your mistress could
(ohh yeah)
And it’s all because you lied.

(You lied)
Loved you more than ever
(You lied)
More than my own life
(You lied)
But this part of me I gave you
(You lied)
It was sacrifice
(Sacrifice)
And it’s all because you lied

[chorus:]
I only give you hard time
‘Cause I can’t go on and pretend like
I tried and tried to forget this
(I tried and I tired and I tired)
But I’m too damn much too full of resentment

I know she was attractive
But I was here first
Been ridin’ with you for 6 years
Why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you (you)

I know your probably thinkin’
What’s up with B
I been cryin’ for too long
What did you do to me
I used to be so strong
Now you took my soul

I'm cryin’
Can’t stop cryin’
Can’t stop cryin’
You coulda told me
You wasn’t happy
I know you didn’t wanna hurt me
But look what you done done to me now
I gotta look at her in her eyes
And see she’s half of me (You lied)
How could you lie (You lied)


I get chills when I hear this song. It's so on time. I'm trying to change things, and I really do think my husband is trying to change, but i'm so full of resentment that I don't know if I can give him any more chances. He lied and I cried......and I stayed. I'm still trying to figure things out. It's not easy when you're so full of resentment that you can barely find the strength to breathe.

I'm working on letting go of some of the resentment i've been holding on to. My husband and I have gone to two marriage counseling sessions and I can already feel a change. I'm not saying counseling will be our savior, but we're both finally being more open and honest with one another. If I can let go of the resentment and he can be the man I fell in love with, I think we'll be alright.

4 comments:

~ScotchBiscuits~ said...

oh! I am sorry you are having to deal with that. Feel proud of your effort to make things work despite how hard it is.
all the best!!

Scourned Woman said...

Thank you. Hopefully things will work out, but i'm going to be fine no matter what happens.

Kin'shar said...

hey keep your head up...I sent you the invite...when you gonna accept :P

Lil Honey B said...

Wow I wonder where Beyonce gets her inspiration for these songs...Maybe J's alleged affair with Rhiana, IDK. But, I know that just about every woman has felt like that before. Been betrayed in a relationship and been messed up behind it. I've been there and it messed me up so bad that I'm scared to fall hard for someone til this day. I know where you are coming from, and I hope things keep getting better. ; )