Friday, November 7, 2008

Marriage Counseling


My husband and I went to our first marriage counseling session Tuesday. It was a good experience. I was able to state my case and let him know what i've been going through. He didn't agree with everything, but that's okay. I think he is in denial about not being around for our children the way he should have. That is something I will be sure to get into. He needs to know that his cheating did not only affect me, it affected our entire family.

We've been talking about counseling for a long time, but never took the steps to go. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest when we were sitting in the waiting room. I was so nervous because I didn't know what to expect. Would he be open and honest, or defensive and uncooperative?

Something happened in that office. My husband said things I have never heard come out of his mouth. He owned up to all that he has done and said he was willing to do anything necessary to repair all the damage he has done. He said he knows that I am a good woman and he doesn't want to lose me. He doesn't say those kinds of things. His emotions are always buried below his bravado. I was happy to see him dig them up and share them with me.

Call me crazy, but I have hope that my situation will work out. I love my husband very much. At the same time, this is it, it's our last hurrah. If he ever cheats on me again I will leave. One of my feet is always out the door anyway. When the therapist asked why I was there I told her that I wanted to learn how to deal with all of the things that have transpired in my marriage. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my husband's infidelities, but at the same time I love him with all my heart. It's a crazy way to be.

When I look into my husband's eyes, I see the love he has for me. I am on the verge of tears right now because I know the man that lives inside the cheat and he's great. He's the one I love. The cheat is an extension of something I do not understand.

So, i'm going to roll with the punches and see what happens. As I work on my marriage I will also be working on myself. I pray that the two can come to a happy medium and work things out. I'm leaving it in God's hands. Whatever should happen will. Yes, I am a scorned woman but i'm also loved. If the person who loves me actually decides to live up to the promise of his manhood things will be fine.

10 comments:

Lil Honey B said...

Glad to hear that! Therapy is always good. Either way, whether you decide to stay or leave, I hope you arrive at happiness and have peace within yourself. Good job!!!

Scourned Woman said...

Thanks! I've put in a lot of time and love so I figured we might as well give this a try and see if it works.

Scourned Woman said...

I'm sure the therapy will help me on a personal level as well. This was a huge step for my husband. You know how some black folks feel about therapy, especially men. He's Mr. Macho so I know it took a lot for him to go. It kind of showed me that he's trying. I know he loves me. We'll see what happens.

Kin'shar said...

im really feeling you girl.....JUST GOT MY FREAKING HEART BROKEN....

I WANT TO LINK YOU TO MY BLOG......

i'LL SEND THE EMAIL JUST NEED YOUR EMAIL... (pggcgirl@yahoo.com)

Super Woman said...

i've went back to the beginning when you first started blogging and i love your blog.

I enjoy reading how you persevere through the madness of marriage
im only 20 years old and i dont even believe in relationships because i think all men are the devil but even though i see your husband was cheating seein that YOU stayed and you really love him has made me semi-change my mind about relationships

I'll be tuning in and following this blog

Ciao!

Scourned Woman said...

Hi Superwoman. My situation is very complicated. If I gave you any advice I would tell you to never settle. You're still young and there is a man out there who will love and cherish you. If he doesn't, don't waste your time.

Enjoy your twenties!

Soulstress said...

I'm gettin my MS in counseling so I kno therapy can truly help if u commit to it.

I wish u and ur family all the best.

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Shar said...

hey babes... have a new blog up and running. havent been here for some time, and I hope all is going well.

Remsha Baber said...

Must watch the therapist's reaction and listen carefully to what he or she says.Also pay attention to the emotional tone in the response.


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