Saturday, July 25, 2009

So, yesterday I told my sister how I felt. She's been acting sort of nasty lately so I emailed her. I didn't feel like having some long drawn out conversation so I did it that way. I know it wasn't the right way to go about it but, to be honest, I don't care anymore. I've decided that i'm just not going to deal with her.

I have a lot going on. I have a 17 year old foster son and I just found out that he is going to be a father. He's been dating his girlfriend since he moved in with us at 15. We really love him. He wants us to adopt him before he turns 18. We haven't done so because he was holding out hope that his mother would get herself together and become a part of his life again. Through therapy and a lot of talking he has come to terms with the fact that it's not going to happen.

I got a call from the girl's mother last Saturday morning. He was at work. She wanted to speak to him but since he wasn't available she thought she would tell me in a very light hearted voice that I was going to be a grandmother. My reaction was far from light hearted. I was in shock!

We talk very openly about sex in my home. I want my children to be informed. My son is very upset about the pregnancy. He said he used a condom every time and his girfriend told him she was on the pill. She even showed him the pack. They were having sex when he came to us and my husband and I both sat him down and did the whole birds and bees thing.

The girl and her mother are ecstatic. They think this pregnancy is a wonderful idea. She is 17 and still in the 10th grade. Our son received a full scholarship from Villanova University and was excited about going to college. We're not sure what to do now. He has already accepted. There's a baby on the way now and he has to do his part, but we really want him to get that degree. He's a very smart young man who has had a rough life. He's seen more at 17 than i've seen and i'm over 40.

I don't want his life to have to take such a drastic turn because one condom broke. He is heartbroken because he thinks he's not going to be able to go to school. The girl's mother says she is willing to help in any way she can and my husband and I feel the same. The thing is, he will not be able to spend time with his child if he is away at college.

It's a crazy situation. My son feels like he did everything he was suppose to do. He used protection and was positive that his girlfriend was on the pill. The girl and her mother will not listen to anything he has to say. He feels like he has no say in the situation. I feel for him but told him that was the chance he took when he started having sex.

My husband feels that the girl is being selfish because she is not considering his opinion or his future. I had to explain to him that he has no idea how it feels to have an abortion. Also, this girl has had a pretty tumultuous upbringing. No one has taught her anything about setting goals for the future. All she can see is right now. This is also an opportunity for her to bond with a mother who has not treated her well.

I really want my son to go to school. We will be willing to allow him to come home two weekends a month and take his child to see him when we can. He has a job and instead of buying video games and clothes this summer he is going to have to save for pampers and formula.

My entire family has his back. I love that young man like I had him. I am determined to make sure he has a bright future. We will make this situation work. I do not have time to think about my sister and her foolishness. I want to keep my family together. I don't care what she thinks anymore. I know she loves me but she is allowing her feelings for the man i'm married to to cloud her judgment. All she has to do is be there for me. It's not like I talk to her about what's going on in my life anyway. She just happened to see whatever it is she thinks she saw.

I'm going to be a grandmother. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. A child is always a blessing but I wish my could go away to college with a clear head. The adoption will be final soon and our son will officially be ours. I know how I feel about that. He was so troubled when he came to us. He's a different person now. We are all very proud of the progress he has made. His plans for the future do not have to change. The climb is just going to be a little harder. We will all be there every step of the way helping him get up that hill.


thegayte-keeper said...


Anonymous said...

wow....what a posting. I agree with Kishna, get a blood test and let your sister be. She needs to live her life not yours!!

Crystal Monae said...

Continue to encourage your son to get an education and let him know that he can still be a great father from a distance. It already sounds like you have started thinking of ways to make it all work out.

Enkay said...

Wow, this is some heavy stuff.
They're both still so young but what's done is done.

I don't thin he should shelve school for this though. He needs to find a way around it.

Scorned Woman said...

Gayte and Oyin - I already brought up the paternity test issue. I had to approach it delicately but he understood where I was coming from. My sister responded very generically. I've already moved on.

Crystal and Enkay - School is a must. We will definitely make a way.

Lil Honey B said...

All I can say is...WOW

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