Thursday, July 9, 2009
Feeling Much Better!
I have officially decided to let go and let God. I mean it. If I don't take that route i'm going to go crazy.
Things in my home have been amazing. My children are happier than ever, even my daughter. She's the only one home right now. One is away with her Godparents and the rest are with my mother-in-law. We were all having a great time together when they were here.
My children's happiness means a lot to me. They're loving having their father around all the time. After the alleged incident I wasn't sure what to do because I didn't want to take their father away just when they felt like they got him back. It took me a while to realize that I had to do what was right for me. I'm still not exactly sure what that is so i'm going to take it one day at a time.
I'm spending time with my husband but he knows things are not settled yet. I'm just living my life. I've made plans to hang out with friends and have decided to have a me day at least twice a month, if not more. I refuse to spend so much time and energy worrying about what people will think if I stay with my husband or trying to figure out if he lied. I'm just going to live. I really mean it.
I want to enjoy myself and have fun. I've spent a lot of years down in the dumps. I can't do that anymore. It's wonderful to see that my children feel like they can exhale and not worry about mommy and daddy. They all have twinkles in their eyes, even the older ones. I don't know what will happen if I choose to move on without their father but hopefully it won't affect their relationship.
My husband has done a lot of things but I know that he loves his children. He was really under the impression that his cheating did not affect them. After marriage counseling and a lot of talking he knows the truth. He realizes that he has to spend time with all the kids. He may not be able to totally repair the damage he's done to his relationship with the two oldest but they seem to be willing to give him a second chance.
My daughter has really opened up. That makes me so happy. We're spending a lot more time together and she seems so much happier. I make sure I hug and kiss her and tell her I love her every day. She really needs that. I can tell by the way she hugs me. She's my first born. We've been together a long time. I have to make sure she's okay.
Life continues. I'm not going to get left behind anymore. Whatever will be will be.