Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Projecting much?

I got in contact with an old friend that I haven't heard from in a while. She was my go to girl. When she started a new job as a vice prinicipal most of her free time went out the window and we drifted apart. It wasn't really a big deal because I knew we would not lose total contact. We all have those friends that we can be apart from for a while and when we get together it's like we were never apart.

Anyway, my friend just bought a new house and invited me out to spend the night and have some girl time and catch up. She lives on the beach and told me about wrapping up in a blanket, grabbing a glass of wine, and going out to read on her terrace. It's cold here, but that still sounded like heaven to me. I couldn't wait.

When I told my husband that I was going to spend the night with my friend he got upset. I have always had this thing about nights being spent out or coming home after the sun. That was because of his cheating. He tried to throw my words back at me. I couldn't believe it! That was like comparing apples and oranges. I asked him if he knew why I felt the way I did about him staying out. He never really answered me, but asked me how I would feel if he told me he was spending the night at the house of one of his coworkers who lives a couple hours away. I told him the situations were totally different because he drives and I don't and it would be inconsiderate to ask my friend to drive me home when I could just stay at her house.

We actually went back and forth arguing about the situation. It didn't really matter to me because I was going no matter how he felt about it. I never go out and I was going to go and have some long overdo fun. The conversation ended and I never revisited it, but put the reaction in my memory computer and we will be discussing it shen we see our marriage counselor tonight.

We got a lot of snow the last weekend and I decided not to go to my friend's house. I didn't want her to have to drive me home in all the snow. My husband didn't know I had changed my mind and called while he was at work to tell me to enjoy my weekend with my friend. I'm glad he wasn't in front of me because I wanted to smack the shit out of him.

His reaction was total projection. Knowing what he would have been doing if he spent the night somewhere got control of his brain. He's not out like he use to be, but there were nights that he told me he was sleeping at the garage where he worked. I'm sure that's not always where he was. The fact that he had the audacity to try and compare me to him pissed me off. It definitely sent me backwards.

I cannot wait to discuss it the situation tonight.


thegayte-keeper said...

your husband is just being a typical hetero male...but good way to give him some of his medicine and I am glad that you stuck to your guns

Anonymous said...

Ummm, Scorned...I understand where you are coming from. I too agree with Gayte, but but but but but..... you are trying to repair the marriage now. NOW, is not the time to play tic for tac...if you have forgiven him that you should do just that. Its ok to go out, but if he is not okay with it...then make other arrangements to make it so its ok with him. REMEMBERING THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO REPAIR THE MARRIAGE, NOT ADD TO IT!

Now, had he still been cheating and you had not gone to marriage counseling...GUUUURL, you should have had your ass ova girlfriends house every weekend!!

But please give him this chance... if he falls back then..work it boo!

Scorned Woman said...

We went to counseling yesterday and he apologized and, like gayte-keeper said, admitted he was just being a man. He said he understood where I was coming from. He always seems to come to the best conclusions when we're in the therapist's office. LOL! As long as he gets it, I don't care when and where it happens. I told him that I was still planning to go and we resolved the issue. It actually felt pretty good. He's trying. We went out for a drink afterwards and had a good time.

Lil Honey B said...

Hate to say it, but that double standard is there in many relationships. Especially if one partner has been less than trustworthy, then he/she gets real insecure all of a sudden, like what they've dished out is going to be done right back to them. Deep down, they know that they are subject to reap what they've sown and it isn't a good feeling. But I am glad he apologized. : D