Monday, October 27, 2008

Introduction

I call myself the woman scorned. My husband has cheated on me for a long time. I don't know why i'm still with him, so don't ask.

All of my friends and family think we're the perfect couple and I guess I don't want to mess that up. It's nice to be thought of as a role model. We have four children ages 25, 19, 13, and 12. They are all wonderful children and have never given us any problems. If you look from the outside, our family is perfect. We have a home, successful careers, and wonderful children.

I would love for someone to come and take a look at our marriage from the inside, my inside. I'm miserable. I've been with the same man for almost 30 years and, as far as I can remember, he's been cheating on me for at least 16 of those years. I've always taken care of my family and made sure that my children had everything they wanted. I'm the one who spent time with them, did things with them, loved and nurtured them, and raised them to be the wonderful people they have become. Their father ran the streets most of their lives.

I'm not asking for sympathy. I damn sure don't need anyone feeling sorry for me. I know that I brought my situation on myself by knowingly being with someone who can't keep his pants zipped. That's on me, i'll accept that. I started this blog so that I could have a place to express myself and let go of some of the pain i'm feeling. No one knows the real me, the woman who cries inside each and every day because she knows she could be happier.

No one knows that even though I have a good career I feel like a failure. No one knows because I don't tell. It's embarassing. So, I hide in the shadows shedding the tears of a clown when no one's around.

My husband says he loves me and I actually believe him. When things are good, they're very good. The problem is I have absolutely no trust in him. I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. He says he hasn't done anything with anyone since the last time I caught him, three years ago, but I don't believe that. I'm not sure he's capable of honesty or fidelity.

So, if I know this why do I stay with him? Well, for one, I love him. We've been together a long time and I have grown accustomed to my life the way it is. It's not easy to just pick up and go. I don't want to start over. I know it sounds foolish. I guess i'm a fool. My life could be so much better, but if I leave i'll have to admit that my marriage was a lie to all the people who thought it was perfect. I'll have to tell my children and the rest of my family. Nope, not going to do it.

I'm glad I found the blog world. It gives me an outlet. I have a lot bottled up inside of me that I need to get out, so get ready....

6 comments:

SLC said...

Hello faithful.
You posted a comment on Diary Of A Strong Black Womans blog. That's how I found your blog. I generally refer to everyone by their blog name and going forward I will do the same towards you, but you are Faithful, in a way so few are today and I (and God ) consider you a success.
I pray your week is peaceful.
Welcome to the blogosphere.
SLC

Scourned Woman said...

Thank you. I was shocked to see that I had a comment. Thank you for stopping by.

Kin'shar said...

I will sincerly tell you the truth...you were a good wife, mom, and companion to the household. Im glad that you stayed with your husband. This is why, I was told this years ago...and it seems true.


If you leave every man because they cheat on you ...then you would neva have anyone..

What is the point of leaving your husband of so many years only to find another jerk to treat you the same or even worst...


I swear I really feel your pain, and I know all you r going through.

Tigeress said...

You are in no way a fool. What u have done and suffered in silence with just shows you are strong woman who's love for her children is paramont.

Stay strong, prayful, and committed to having a successful marriage and i believe God will reward u.

Do try and read the book i recommended- Rekindling the Romance.

Lynn said...

Prayer is definitely what is needed in situations such as these. No one can judge you or have a say in your decisions for yay or nay. That is soley your decision. Writing about it is definitely a great outlet I'm sure. Just remember too, you control your own happiness no matter what happens to you. As long as you are alive, you are the only one who can affect your mind for better or worse. I also hope peace for you.

My best, Lynn
*I beg to differ with Kin'shar - men were not created to cheat. God has created great ones, so not all is lost if you lose one...

Pappie Bear said...

Since you been one of his women for so long, maybe if you accept this you might be more happy with yourself and situation. Since you have clearly decided to remain with him, why just not enjoy him as the king of his women, and you are the queen especially since you say you love him.