Tuesday, May 26, 2009

It is what it is

I took a total break. I took a break from blogging, working, parenting, and everything else. I took some time for myself. It just wasn't working and I needed to get it together.

The situation with my daughter is not better at all. I'm almost ready to tell her to get the hell out of my house. Her attitude is stank, she never interacts with the family, and is just getting on my damned nerves. I'm sick of looking at her dishes in the sink and waiting for her to wash them. Both my husband and I are trying to keep our cool. It's to the point where I just don't want to deal with her. She actually applied for a program in Boston and I pray every day that she gets in. It's time for her to go.

If I did not take a break I think I may have grabbed her by now. I'm not upset about the way she's feeling anymore. I threw out the olive branch a couple times and it was not accepted. At this point I feel like she is reveling in her victim role and does not want to let it go. I just cannot be obsessed with her feelings anymore. That may be wrong, but it's the way I feel.

It felt so good to just do me. I worried only about myself and let my brain take a break. This is something I will be doing on a permanent basis and I don't care how anyone feels about it. If I don't do me i'll go crazy. I've worked really hard to repair my relationship with my husband and I thought life would be so much better. When the situation with my daughter came up I had to make a conscious decision not to let it destroy me and it hasn't.

I love my daughter to death. I'd take ten bullets for that chick. What I will not do is allow her to turn me back into the sad shell of a woman I once was. She feels that I owe her and should kiss all up in her ass until she feels there are enough lip prints on it. That's not going to happen. I gave me away to her father and I will not do it again. I asked her if she wanted to go to counseling and try to work things out and she said no. I asked her if she wanted to sit down and talk and she said no. I asked her what she needed me to do to make things better and she said nothing. I am done.

My husband, the kids, and I were watching a movie yesterday and she came in and said, "Hey." We all said it back and continued to watch the movie. She stood there wondering why we didn't jump for joy when she appeared. When no one did, she sucked her teeth and went into her room and slammed the door. No one was phased. I wanted to tell her to take her ass in the kitchen and wash the dishes she left in the sink but I didn't want to make things worse. I hate it when people put dishes in an empty sink and leave them there. Her father washed them. My plan was to sit them on her bed if they weren't washed by today.

I used to let other people's shit take over my being but that's not going to happen. I really don't give a damn anymore. I'm not fucking with anybody who doesn't want to fuck with me and if that list includes my daughter, it is what it is.


Oyin said...

o praise God that its not just me. Let me tell you..it is not that your daughter is having sex.... I was warned and told that once they start having sex they then think they are grown and you cant tell them shit. My daughter acts like the dishes is a damn disease....whats wrong with these kids nowadays....I wouldnt have gotten my ass beat ova and ova again until the dishes dissapeared you hear me....

Tigeress said...

I havent read other related blogs so my conclusion might be wrong. But could your daughter be going thru emotional stress socially e.g. boys, her friends, school etc.? Plus teenagers apparently go thru a phase............

Sunshinelovespeace said...

The break was much needed and I am happy that you did it for YOU.

I think you are right, you can't let her turn you back on the progress you have made in your life. You have reached out to her and she has turned you down repeatedly, so what more can you do?

As a last effort,I would suggest you write her a letter telling her how you will be there for her whenever she is ready to talk, but until then you are going to have to carry on with life. I think a letter would be good so she knows that you are always gonna be there when she needs you, but also she'll know that until she reaches out to you, the issues between the two of you are not going to be in the forefront of your existance.

Peace to you and your daughter.

thegayte-keeper said...

I am sorry to hear that things with you and your daughter isn't better...she obviously needs to do somethings on her own...

Scorned Woman said...

Oyin - This dishes thing may seem small but I see it as disrespect. I'll end it one way or another.

Tigeress - My daughter is 20 plus. She hasn't been a teenager for a while.

Sunshine - Ilike that idea. It's better than shutting down all together.

Gayte - I'm going to give her the spacewe both seem to need and see what happens.

Enkay said...

My! I don't know what to say..about your daughter's behavior.
My elder sister used to be that way and what we did was just ignore her. She stewed in her own 'world' for a while but after that she came out of it.

You've done a lot on your part to make it work with her so maybe it's time to just leave it alone.

Funms-the rebirth said...

so sorry about that..... i think u should be extra nice and let her know ur here wheneve she decides to hang up the stinky attitude..... its best to bridge the gap before she goes off to school....

Scorned Woman said...

Enkay and Funms - I'm stuck in the middle of the two of your opinions. It's a tough situation.

Lil Honey B said...

Sorry to hear that your daughter is behaving that way. You've tried and she has not responded...what can you do? She is a grown woman and hopefully she'll sahke her funky attitude soon. I hope for the best for ya'll...

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