Monday, January 11, 2010

Dark Cloud

I'm doing pretty good. My marriage is improving and that's a good thing. I'm not delving into the who, what, or when. I'm just living my life with the man I love. I figure things will work themselves out. Thinking, wondering, and snooping is not going to do me any good. All those things do is make me more confused and unable to function.

My household is a lot happier. The only problem is the dark cloud my daughter brings when she's at home. I don't know what the problem is. Things were going great and she reverted back to the hermit she was before. I don't understand it at all. To be very honest i'm sick of it. It's time for her to go.

The entire family has been working together. We've been spending time together and making sure to have family outings when we can. My daughter only goes if it's a special occasion. The only time she wants to be bothered is if it's a holiday or someone's birthday. You get the picture.

Her attitude is very nasty. I'm having a hard time dealing with it. She comes home from work late, after the kitchen has been cleaned, and puts her dishes in the sink. This pisses me off to no end. Her father doesn't say anything about it, he just washes the dishes and complains to me. When I finally had enough and said something to her she acted like a wounded puppy.

How long am I suppose to feel bad for her? I know she has some issues with the way she was raised and a lot of them are valid. Am I suppose to pay for her hurt for the rest of my life? Does she have the right to act like a victim forever? If we are all trying to heal, and making a lot of progress, shouldn't she at least try to get on board? It's so annoying.

I have tried. I offered to sit down and talk and she didn't want to do that. What am I suppose to do? All I want to do is live a happy life. I want my children to be happy. I really do. I'm not going to kill myself trying to do that anymore. I have children who want to be a part of my life. There's no way i'm going to use up all my energy coddling one, even when I want to. I just can't do it anymore.

I'll never say i'm done with my child. I will never give up on her, but I am taking a step back. Do I wish we had a better relationship? Of course I do. I feel like the one we have now is basically non-existent. We barely talk. It's not my choice but i'm not going to kiss her ass anymore. All I can do is love her and let her find whatever it is she's looking for. I just hope she finds it real soon because I don't think I can take the attitude anymore.



And you shouldn''ve endured A LOT from your family!

Scorned Woman said...

Hi Gaytekeeper! Happy new year.

I'm not getting wrapped up in the drama anymore. I don't care whose drama it is. I'm living my life like it's golden and having fun with the people who want to be a part of my life. I've had enough.

Shahedah said...

as her own person she does have the right to be a wounded victim for as long as she wants. it's her prerogative. but you also have the right to do you. she's grown and therefore she needs to deal with her issues as an individual.

i am commenting as a young woman who has a lot of resentment about the way i was raised but quickly realized that no one can help me with it. i had to deal with things as they relate to my life because i can't change others, only myself.

she's lucky to have a mother who is willing to rectify the situation. most definitely live your life like it's golden.

Scorned Woman said...

Shahedah - I definitely feel that my daughter has every right to her feelings and I would never minimize them. I just wonder how long this is going to go on. I've thrown out several olive branches that have been denied. I don't know what i'm suppose to do.

I know that I made some mistakes in the past and I am willing to work on the present. How do you get through to someone who seems to enjoy misery?

If I don't move on I will go crazy.

Shar said...

Hey girlie...Happy New Years hun. Nice to know you are still holding your own.

jost said...


Karma_suit her said...

i have been proud of you from reaqding you entries but reading this one leaves me with conflicting feelings towards you.
is it really that easy to give up on your own flesh and blood when you worked so hard to save your marriage and forgive a man that didn't deserve you.. yet you are tired of trying when it comes to your daughter ? interesting

you daughter should be the first priority in your life and i think you should never give up on her..

wounds are not easily cured by one or two acts of kindness when the damaged have been caused for so long..

as you mentioned your daughter is suffering from depression and she needs your care and patients more than ever before. as a teenager i too suffer with depression and i find that my family are the ones causing it the most by the constant nagging over frivolous stuff.. if it needs be for you to walk on egg shells around your daughter day after day do so because she didn't ask to be born in such a hell of a life we call the world.

you mentioned that you have made some mistakes int the past and my dear a mistake is never just a mistake when others are involved it stays and effects the people around you for life..

you act like your marriage is all that matters when you are a parent the responsibility doesn't dissapear overnight or when the kids are grown up u r a parent for the rest of your life..

i am happy that you worked things out with your husband your'l went to counseling have you considered doing that with your daughter of course not.

if your husbands decides to mess up again and leave u high and dry news flash all you will have is your kids

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