Monday, January 11, 2010
I'm doing pretty good. My marriage is improving and that's a good thing. I'm not delving into the who, what, or when. I'm just living my life with the man I love. I figure things will work themselves out. Thinking, wondering, and snooping is not going to do me any good. All those things do is make me more confused and unable to function.
My household is a lot happier. The only problem is the dark cloud my daughter brings when she's at home. I don't know what the problem is. Things were going great and she reverted back to the hermit she was before. I don't understand it at all. To be very honest i'm sick of it. It's time for her to go.
The entire family has been working together. We've been spending time together and making sure to have family outings when we can. My daughter only goes if it's a special occasion. The only time she wants to be bothered is if it's a holiday or someone's birthday. You get the picture.
Her attitude is very nasty. I'm having a hard time dealing with it. She comes home from work late, after the kitchen has been cleaned, and puts her dishes in the sink. This pisses me off to no end. Her father doesn't say anything about it, he just washes the dishes and complains to me. When I finally had enough and said something to her she acted like a wounded puppy.
How long am I suppose to feel bad for her? I know she has some issues with the way she was raised and a lot of them are valid. Am I suppose to pay for her hurt for the rest of my life? Does she have the right to act like a victim forever? If we are all trying to heal, and making a lot of progress, shouldn't she at least try to get on board? It's so annoying.
I have tried. I offered to sit down and talk and she didn't want to do that. What am I suppose to do? All I want to do is live a happy life. I want my children to be happy. I really do. I'm not going to kill myself trying to do that anymore. I have children who want to be a part of my life. There's no way i'm going to use up all my energy coddling one, even when I want to. I just can't do it anymore.
I'll never say i'm done with my child. I will never give up on her, but I am taking a step back. Do I wish we had a better relationship? Of course I do. I feel like the one we have now is basically non-existent. We barely talk. It's not my choice but i'm not going to kiss her ass anymore. All I can do is love her and let her find whatever it is she's looking for. I just hope she finds it real soon because I don't think I can take the attitude anymore.